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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part درې: Tape

Continued from Part Deux

The tape is an energy field that connects all living things. It surrounds us, sticks to us, and binds the universe together. Yeah, its some pretty mystical stuff, but what it isn’t is consistent between brands. Of the vast array of tapes, only one has received the Ballsmith’s Mark of Approval. A Good tape must have the following properties:
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From the Annals: The Quintessential Field

Tapey Beercone can be played just about anywhere, and the variety of locations and field characteristics represented in the Tapey Beercone Atlas provides amble evidence of this. The rules for field making are left intentially vague. So consice in fact, all rules and regulations for Tapey Beercone field-making could fit on the back of a post card. And while, there is no effort, neither within the Regency nor the player base at large to change these rules, a general trend has emerged over the seasons which has led to measured consistency between fields. This post will explore the Atlas to compare how fields vary, and just how consistent they are, with the aim to answer the question: What would the prototypical Tapey Beercone field look like.
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MLB Announces “Swigging for the Fences” in partnership with Tapey Beercone

This morning, during an April Fools Day New Conference, Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Rob Manfred, announced major additions to the MLB Network programming schedule. Chief among these was the new travel/reality show “Swigging for the Fences” which would be produced in partnership with Tapey Beercone.

Per the MLB Commissioner this move represented part of “a concrete strategy to appeal to a younger audience by leveraging the growing popularity of the burgeoning sport of Tapey Beercone to attracted a more youthful viewership.” The show will be hosted by the Co-Commissioners of Tapey Beercone, Kelly “The Coach” and Eric “The Hammer”, with each episode featuring prominent stars and personalities from MLB. As to how Manfred come up with the idea, according to him while listening to one of his favorite Podcasts, the Tipping Pitches Baseball Podcast, he heard the hosts describing the idea and, he “immediately knew this was exactly the kind of show we needed to fix baseball’s image problem with the younger generation”. According to sources within MLB Network, within weeks of the podcast’s airing, a deal had already been reached between MLB and Tapey Beercone and episodes of the show were filming.
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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part Deux – Cans

Continued from Part I

As the old saying goes, “if the tape is the skin, then the can is the meat.” Where is that an old saying, you ask? Have you ever been to Jaipur? No? Then its an old saying in Jaipur. Almost lyrical in the original Hindi. Now, can we move on? Great!

The beercone requires a solid core of well crushed, de-burred, and properly stacked cans, or else it quickly becomes a flaccid, squishy mess of garbage bound up in some tape. Proper technique is essential to quality construction, but that is outside the scope of this article. Equally critical, and a part of assembly that requires the most forethought, is the selection of beercan.
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Breaking News: Tapey Beercone Goes International

BREAKING NEWS!!

The First Ever international game of Tapey Beercone took place on Thursday, March 22nd! Where, you ask? Not in Mexico, nor Canada, but in the frozen rugged majesty of Iceland!! “The Hammer”, accompanied by “The Rookie” and Gabby “The Viking” braved the wilds of Vatnajökull National Park to bring the Game of Kings to Haoldukvisl field. This will be an on-going goodwill exhibition match, a travelling embassy of sorts, aimed towards spreading Tapey Beercone and building stronger ties with the Icelandic People!
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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part I – Introduction

We all know the legend by now. How Piney Pinecone evolved from a child’s game into the Game of Kings over a frigid January weekend at The Ranch, a little more than nine years ago.

We know the major tenets of the game, the 5-3 Runs/Outs limit, the Foul Out, Beaning the Runner, and the Testicle Amendment, survive to this day without modification from their original form. The spirit of the game has remained largely unchanged as well, only having grown to incorporate inebriated nonsense as part of the Art of Shit-talking. To the outside observer, watching games of Piney Pinecone side-by-side with Tapey Beercone, very little would hold them apart and that was the point. A single critical innovation proved the catalyst for that glorious evolution; The crafting of the first Beercone.
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Stat Chug: Searching for a Drinking to Batting Ability Link

Stat Chug: A specially brewed stats based draft.

Searching for a Drinking to Batting Performance Link: The quest to find the link between inebriation and batting performance.

In a Sport such as Tapey Beercone, where drinking is prevalent (in fact encouraged by the rules), it seems obvious that all of this drinking would have some effect on a player’s performance and the outcomes that player produces. A good part of what makes Chugging Percentage (CHG) such a prestigious statistic is that the components of the stat ( Batting production measured by Slugging Percentage (SLG) and Drinking Frequency measured by Beers per Inning (BPI)) are presumably not independent. The idea being that for one to remain a productive batter whilst also quaffing beer at an exceptional rate takes unique ability. Plainly put, one would expect that the relationship between batting outcomes and drinking frequency would be inversely correlated, that to drink more would on average mean to give something away as a batter. With these assumptions in mind, this author aimed to seek out this relationship with the goal being to measure it, and then with these measurements in hand create a new metric to judging the exceptional batters/drinkers who standout from the pack. What follows is a walk-through of this quest.
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From the Annals: Game of Kings, but not Kegs

Tapey Beercone is the self-evident and undisputed Game of Kings, at least within the Buckos Nation. Also self-evident is the fact that to play Tapey Beercone you need beer. Specifically you need beer in the form of beer canned in aluminum, otherwise there’d be no ball. But beer comes in many other forms too: the glass bottle, the growler, and larger still, the keg.
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