Player Profile – #8 – Kelly “The Coach”

Kelly is a founding Regent of Tapey Beercone and is a serving Co-Commissioner of Tapey Beercone. Kelly came to Tapey Beercone from the now defunct APPAA, where he was also a founding player. “Coach” owes his nickname to constantly striving to improve himself and the players around him. This thirst for development and an extreme competitive nature has taken the player who was once known as “The Strike Out King of Piney Pinecone” to the greatest player in the game of Tapey Beercone.

The Coach at the bat.

As the superlative player in the game, “Coach” is the two time recipient of the “Jim Siemens Award of Excellence.” Kelly takes advantage of his left-handedness and uses his extreme pull-hitting tendencies to produce scorching liners and hard grounders directly down the right field line, leaving defenders severely out of position to guard against his impressive speed. “Coach” is, more than any other player, a student of the game. He was the first to realize the major differences between Baseball and Tapey Beercone, and how they should be applied to game strategy. This realization gave him a head start in adapting his play style. Learning to be more conservative in his baserunning, becoming even more disciplined as a batter, and changing his swing to yield more grounders and liners than flies. Kelly couples this new style offense with already productive defense to great effect. He uses his exceptional speed and agility to achieve spectacular results as an outfielder.

The Coach taking a hack!

“Coach” is an effective flamethrower of a pitcher, perhaps best used in relief. He has effectively no control over his pitch location, but what he lacks in command he more than makes up for in speed. This can account for his exceptional K/6 rate of 7.3, but his real value as a pitcher is in his fielding. Boasting a 73% success rate as a fielding pitcher, Kelly is able to convert infield plays into outs at a far above average rate.

As a drinker, Kelly also ranks amongst the game’s elite chuggers. After learning how to burp late into his twenties, he has gained the ability to drink quickly without vomiting. This has translated into a career BPI of 1.42. Kelly’s crowning achievement in drinksmanship was during the Cave Lake Series in Season 3, where he reached a single game BPI of 2.83 and had an incredible slugging percentage of 1.643. Despite being unable to find his own feet, “Coach” managed to hit a go-ahead 2 run home run in the bottom of the fourth, showing off his impressive fortitude under extreme self inflicted duress.

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