Series One of 7 for 7 comes to its conclusion with the Nation’s Origin Story
It Started with a Pinecone, Every nation has their Legends. This is Our’s
In the beginning, lunch was long and boring. The spirit of competition lay dormant in the hearts of those who ached for sport. Neither soccer balls, nor idle conversation would sate them. Then the spark. Swinging a fallen branch as a bat. Someone pitched a pinecone. A hit, a hastily designed field, and the game was born. It was an age of discovery. Crush the pinecone to curb excessive pineyness, and find a place to hide the bat. An age of invention. The Grand Salami, the split ball double, and the testicle amendment. Discovery and invention created sport and fanned the flames of friendship.
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A League NOT Their Own, The Buckettes and the Greatest Game Never Played
The great game of Tapey Beercone has a rich history. It began with school boys who, after completing their studies only just this side of honestly, needed a way to fill their day. As no sporting equipment was available to them, their ingenuity led them to a stick in place of a bat and a pinecone serving as a ball. Thus Piney Pinecone was born. Just as everything else, what is born must also grow. As the young men grew so did the game.
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Rocket Surgery, How a Veteran Completely Rebuilt His Game.
Every rocket launch begins with a moment of tension. Having counted down the seconds until launch the rocket motors are ignited creating a flurry of flame, steam, and percussive sound. Then the moment of liftoff, when the thrust of the rocket motors are just enough to overcome the oppressive force of gravity, allowing the rocket to seemingly hover as it slowly builds momentum taking it up and away from the launch pad. This is a precarious moment. One that often ends in a triumphant column of spaceward bound rocket exhaust, but at times ends tragically in an explosive ball of flames with a spacecraft that fails to clear the launch tower. The same principles apply in Tapey Beercone with Boyd “The Rocket”, and when Season 3 began he failed to launch.
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Pitching 101, How a Rookie Pitcher would Re-Write the Book on Pitching with a Beercone.
Through the first two and a half seasons of Tapey Beercone, just eight persons had ever played the game. Of those eight, a core of six, the Regents minus Ryan, constituted the vast majority of player appearances. Within this tight core of players, the characteristics of play became fairly uniform. Sure, every player had their tendencies, and their unique idiosyncrasies, but on the whole the game would look very similar regardless of who was as bat, and who was on the mound. However, as Season 3 turned over to its second half at the start of 2014, the sport entered a phase of rapid player expansion.
Over the course of just two short months, the player pool would expand from eight, to nineteen! With the growth of the player base would come a divergence in playing style, as no longer were the players all rooted in a common tradition dating back to the Piney Pinecone days. This tail is about one of those players; a pitcher. A pitcher who had his own unique style and delivery, a pitcher who would ride that uniqueness all the way to being named season 3’s Pitcher of the Season.
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Breakdown, The Improbable Rise and Fall of The Master.
I’ve tried to write this story a half-dozen times, in as many different ways. I tried to craft a “Brian and the Boz” style comparison piece in one version, and attempted to create our own “This is Spinal Tap” in another. This tale manages to break out of every box I attempt to put it in, and I suppose that’s appropriate for the subject matter. The “Breakdown” in question is about more than a single player, it is about the game as a whole. This story is about Tapey Beercone going beyond what we expected for the first time. It is about the shattering of our understanding of our roles in the continuing life of this game. This is our Heroic Epic, our Odyssey, our Gilgamesh. Herein, I tell the tale of “The Master”. His Rise, his fall, and how he changed the game forever.
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#Beerpope, a moment that made a Beerpope.
Tradition. Tapey Beercone is steeped in it. Since the first aluminum cans were wrapped in duct tape, the sport has held to a vast array of traditions. One needs only peruse the Official Rules finding there is literally a section titled “Traditions”, as evidence of how deeply traditions are held in the sport. More broadly, the entirety of Articles IV and V on Ground Rules and Sportsmanship codify many of the sport’s most deeply held rituals and conventions. However, the vast majority of these traditions are not founded in Tapey Beercone alone, but stretch out universally into the customs of the Buckos Nation at large. Some, such as naming each new field, or the Testicle Bill of Rights, owe their creation to Piney Pinecone. Still others, such as the playing of the Buckos National anthem or resolving disputes by Rock-Paper-Scissors are carryovers from Buckos culture in general. Not simply a part of the sport, they are traditions held across all aspects of life in the Buckos Nation. Rare is the tradition rooted in the game’s founding itself.
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The Miracle Near 79th Street, a Buckos Christmas Story
Our story takes place in New York City, in the Winter of 2012, but let’s back track a little, to Alaska in May of 2010. At that time Tapey Beercone was still in its infancy, the sport just but a year old, and while just one game had been played outside the sport’s birthplace in California, the sport had already woven itself into the fabric of the Buckos Nation to the point that it was a given that the Buckos would take the game with them went they took a trip to Alaska. This led to a shining success, the three game Alaska Series, and it instilled in the Buckos Nation the concept that the sport could be taken anywhere. In the years after the sport spread, to Oregon, across California, and even to somewhat public spaces, but our story is about the game expanding to a place that would have seemed impossible, ever while picking up ax handles from checked baggage at the airport in Anchorage.
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