Buckos Nation After Action Report: Bees Without Conscience

On August 31st 2019, the Buckos Nation was suddenly and viciously attacked by a terrorist cell of meat bees. Cold, brutal revenge was exacted. This is that story.

A Prelude to Carnage:
Arriving early Friday Afternoon, Hammer and Decibelle, along with Coach, The Pants, and The Shorts established the operations bunker for the weekend’s coming exercise. All was quiet, and the potential field was surveyed from both aerial vantage point and boots on ground reconnaissance. All patrols reported the area clear of dangers. Command strategy sessions were held deep into the night as reinforcements were en route. L337 H4x and Elsinore bolstered defenses until Reverend and Student arrived. At the crack of 0900 hours the next morning, Coach, Hammer, and Reverend began the construction of the forward operating field. Construction went smoothly until 1000 hours when the others assembled at the field.

Calm before the battle.

Pain from Below:
Without formal declaration of war, a swarm of deadly deadly meat bees emerged from the ground. Chaos ensued. Elsinore was struck, Reverend was struck twice. Buckos forces beat an immediate expeditious retreat back to the Operations Center. All exercises were to be postponed until the meat bee menace could be dealt with. Medics triaged the casualties, applying alcohol and ice to the victims. The morning was lost, Hell would be paid.

The only surviving video of the attack.

Convening of the War Council:
Deliberations were had on the continued viability of the field. Coach and Hammer would be dispatched after lunch to scout for a safer location. Meanwhile, vengeance would be swift, decisive, and deadly. The Pants and The Shorts were dispatched to the Fred Myers to research and acquire chemical weapons. After their return, loaded down with 4 rounds of anti-bee foaming aerosols, the plan of attack was determined.

Chemical Warfare Agent – Sold at your local Fred Meyers!

Donning the Bee Armor:
Hammer was selected to be the one to carry out the retaliation. Donning work boots, long pants, long sweatshirt, ladies work gloves, hat, safety glasses, and neck protection, Hammer assembled armor that no bee could penetrate. All possible joints or gaps were sealed with Nashua brand Duct Tape. The bee killing aerosols were loaded into pockets for the coming assault.

“The Hammer” in peak bee-fighting form.

Death from Above:
Shortly after 1130 hours, the first stream of foaming anti-bee aerosol struck the meat bee nest. Several bees attempted an evacuation, but were shot out of the air by more bee spray. The assault on the hive was prolonged. All told 42oz of chemical warfare was unleashed upon the bees. The hole to the bee nest was then sealed with a plastic bag and a rock too big for any bee to lift.

Swift Buckos Justice

Search for a New Field:
After shedding the bee armor, Hammer and Coach departed to scout for safer grounds. No suitable options were discovered.

Resumption of Activities:
Buckos forces recovered within the operations center late into the afternoon. At 1600 hours the forward operating field was re-located to the opposite end of the theater of operations. No further incidents of bee on Bucko violence occurred. This incident exposed a major weakness in the security of the Buskos Nation, prompting the Office of the Commissioners to authorize the creation of the Bureau of Outside Oversight. This essential new department will have the authority to enforce extralegal security measures to prevent further bee related tragedies. Effective immediately, all travelers to the Buckos Nation will be required to remove their hats and shoes before entering homes, allowing the newly created Bee Murder Task Force to inspect for Apian infiltrators. Sure, this may SEEM excessive, but bees COULD be hiding in your hats and shoes. This is only a temporarily permanent measure to protect against the bee menace.

By the end of the day Reverend was all smiles. There’s nothing that a few beers can’t solve…

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