Category: Hammer Time

Stop! And prepare for a straight shot of Tapey Beercone knowledge.

Buckos Nation After Action Report: Bees Without Conscience

On August 31st 2019, the Buckos Nation was suddenly and viciously attacked by a terrorist cell of meat bees. Cold, brutal revenge was exacted. This is that story.

A Prelude to Carnage:
Arriving early Friday Afternoon, Hammer and Decibelle, along with Coach, The Pants, and The Shorts established the operations bunker for the weekend’s coming exercise. All was quiet, and the potential field was surveyed from both aerial vantage point and boots on ground reconnaissance. All patrols reported the area clear of dangers. Command strategy sessions were held deep into the night as reinforcements were en route. L337 H4x and Elsinore bolstered defenses until Reverend and Student arrived. At the crack of 0900 hours the next morning, Coach, Hammer, and Reverend began the construction of the forward operating field. Construction went smoothly until 1000 hours when the others assembled at the field.
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Buckos Nation After Action Report

On Beerpope Weekend 2019 the Buckos Nation engaged in prolonged hostilities with a flock of big mean turkeys. This is that story.

Initial Contact:
Arriving early Friday afternoon, Hammer and Coach established a beachhead and command center for the weekend’s coming exercise. Contact was established with the locals, Park Ranger “Steely” Dan Gato, and the Nice lady who ran the store. Seeing as the park was left completely unprotected and was likely to fall to communism at any second, the two commissioners took it upon themselves to offer the protection of the mighty Buckos Nation. Continue reading “Buckos Nation After Action Report”

Gaveltime: Parliamentary Procedure of the Buckos Nation

There is a long and mighty legal tradition in the Buckos Nation. Tapey Beercone, famously created on that frigid January day, wasn’t “born with teeth.” From “Brown v. Education” to “Curtis v. Pile of Rocks” the laws of the Buckos Nation, and the game itself, were sculpted in media res. Any play, action, or stupid thing someone says can potentially trigger the meandering process by which a ground rule becomes codified in the “Official and Governing Rules” of the Sport.

Today, in preparation for the coming Rules Review, we discuss parliamentary procedure and the Buckos Rules of Order. Hang on tight, its gonna be a wild ride.
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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part IV: Beercone Postmortem

In follow up to my previous posts concerning the material nature of the beercone, I am submitting this brief photo-essay concerning the case of a recently decommissioned beercone.

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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part درې: Tape

Continued from Part Deux

The tape is an energy field that connects all living things. It surrounds us, sticks to us, and binds the universe together. Yeah, its some pretty mystical stuff, but what it isn’t is consistent between brands. Of the vast array of tapes, only one has received the Ballsmith’s Mark of Approval. A Good tape must have the following properties:
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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part Deux – Cans

Continued from Part I

As the old saying goes, “if the tape is the skin, then the can is the meat.” Where is that an old saying, you ask? Have you ever been to Jaipur? No? Then its an old saying in Jaipur. Almost lyrical in the original Hindi. Now, can we move on? Great!

The beercone requires a solid core of well crushed, de-burred, and properly stacked cans, or else it quickly becomes a flaccid, squishy mess of garbage bound up in some tape. Proper technique is essential to quality construction, but that is outside the scope of this article. Equally critical, and a part of assembly that requires the most forethought, is the selection of beercan.
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Hammer Time: The Beercone: A Material Study – Part I – Introduction

We all know the legend by now. How Piney Pinecone evolved from a child’s game into the Game of Kings over a frigid January weekend at The Ranch, a little more than nine years ago.

We know the major tenets of the game, the 5-3 Runs/Outs limit, the Foul Out, Beaning the Runner, and the Testicle Amendment, survive to this day without modification from their original form. The spirit of the game has remained largely unchanged as well, only having grown to incorporate inebriated nonsense as part of the Art of Shit-talking. To the outside observer, watching games of Piney Pinecone side-by-side with Tapey Beercone, very little would hold them apart and that was the point. A single critical innovation proved the catalyst for that glorious evolution; The crafting of the first Beercone.
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