Player Profile – #00/#99 – Chris “The Rooster/The Dragon”

Chris is a founding Regent of Tapey Beercone, currently serving as the Field Marshall of the Bucko’s Expeditionary Forces. His record of play includes some of the game’s longest series and most highly contested matches. As a regent, Chris is a strict constructionist, abhorring regent activism in all its forms, and preferring the game remain in its traditional form.

Chris is an enigma. As “The Dragon”, he is lightning in a bottle, and in this form he is doubtless the game’s most powerful hitter, the fastest and most agile fielder, and one of the strongest arms available. In Dragon form, Chris hit the game’s only recorded Grand Salami, a crushed shallow fly into the ditch at Ruth Lake’s Mad River Cathedral, and is also responsible for the game’s only triple play.

Of course, there is also “The Dragon’s” alter ego, “The Rooster.” The Rooster is the embodiment of all of Chris’s frustrations and manifests itself in the form of full-scale shutdown of all of Chris’s athletic prowess and coordination. This leads to insane strikeout rates, maddening base running errors, and incomprehensible speech. Chris often attempts to break the grip of “The Rooster” by attempting irrational and wacky changes to his swing, typically only tightening “The Rooster’s” hold. With this in mind, it is usually up to Chris’ teammates to “foster the Dragon,” providing a positive and winning environment in which he will thrive.

The transformation of “The Rooster” into “The Dragon”.

As of late, Chris may have found his true calling in Tapey Beercone, becoming one of the game’s most dominating pitchers. In 19 innings pitched, Chris has thrown an astounding 9 shutout innings, garnering a 1.58 ERA. His extremely unorthodox pitching motion involves a wind-up, a run-up, and a slide, much like a bowler. As a result, his pitches have exceptionally high speed, and nearly no arch. Additionally, Chris’ natural athleticism allows him to make spectacularly acrobatic defensive plays on the pitcher’s mound.

“The Rooster/Dragon”‘s run up pitching motion.

Now to address the elephant in the room, which is Chris’ calamitous intolerance for alcohol. While possessing a respectable, but sub-average 1.00 BPI, Chris has on three separate occasions fallen asleep on the field while on defense. This has bestowed the title of Beerpope on him twice. He has also gone down in history as the only player ever to void his stomach during a game which, had he not already been Beerpope at the time, would surely have added another term to his Beer Papacy.

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