Blug

On Beerpope Weekend 2019 the Buckos Nation engaged in prolonged hostilities with a flock of big mean turkeys. This is that story.

Initial Contact:
Arriving early Friday afternoon, Hammer and Coach established a beachhead and command center for the weekend’s coming exercise. Contact was established with the locals, Park Ranger “Steely” Dan Gato, and the Nice lady who ran the store. Seeing as the park was left completely unprotected and was likely to fall to communism at any second, the two commissioners took it upon themselves to offer the protection of the mighty Buckos Nation. The locals were overjoyed. That evening, savage noises were overheard from the bush. Luckily, reinforcements began trickling in to fortify the beachhead. Master and Rocket arrived shortly before dark, with Rookie arriving later that evening. Coach and Rookie took up the first watch of the night and observed several Big Mean turkey special forces Raccoons performing reconnaissance in force. They were routed without any bloodshed. It is unclear how much intelligence the Raccoons were able to gather. The next morning, slightly after dawn, Hammer elected to go out on patrol along the main supply road through the camp. Upon reaching Site 133, Hammer was ambushed by several Big Mean turkeys and was forced to retreat and regroup back at the beachhead.

Pre-Hostility posturing:
Shortly thereafter, the remaining reinforcements arrived. Reverend, Student, Loadstar, Dragon, and Stud immediately further fortified the command center. Later in the day, at a High Command Strategy session, it was determined that the Government would never be returning to protect the park and by unanimous vote Pinnacles National Park was annexed by the Buckos Nation. The decision was sanctified by the newly crowned “Pope Master” and the National Park, campground, and all who resided within came to be under the protection of the Buckos Nation. All campers entering the park were informed of the presence of rebel cells of Big Mean turkeys on the periphery of the campground. Several groups chose, as is their right, to ignore that warning and attempted to settle Sites 133 and 134. Besides the horribly stinky man in the green shorts, none of them were ever seen again and are presumed dead, the first casualties of the conflict.

The Long Protracted battle:
At 10 PM Saturday the Big Mean turkeys dispatched several “lil’ bastard” units of Raccoons to sabotage the Buckos Supply lines. Hammer, leading the evening’s watch, coordinated the bolstering of the command center defenses. No delicious snacks were lost. The next morning, the Big mean Turkeys main offensive unit attempted a flanking assault on the Buckos Command Center. They were routed by the tactical genius of Dragon and were forced to retreat to the hills. Raccoons and Crows were continually sent to harass the camp, but never again would the main body of the Big Mean Turkeys be seen. That evening the turkeys unleashed their most powerful weapon, the Tostito’s Fiesta Bowl Blood Orange Moon. Coach was driven to madness, considerable rain fell, and Dragon was evacuated due to a training injury.

End of hostilities:
Monday morning, confident in their overwhelming victory over the Big Mean Turkeys, the severely diminished forces of the Buckos Nation struck camp and returned to their various administrative seats. “Steely” Dan Gato was advised that the Buckos Nation would continue to provide protection, should his own government fail to get their shit together. He assured the rear guard he was capable of defending the Camp. The rear guard departed. Less than an hour later, Reverend received reports that the Big Mean Turkeys had emerged in force and overrun the campground. They immediately instituted an Avian Communo-theocratic Dictatorship. All residents of Pinnacles National Park are missing in action and presumed dead, consumed by the Turkeys.