Tag: Beer

7 for 7: It Started With a Pinecone

Series One of 7 for 7 comes to its conclusion with the Nation’s Origin Story

It Started with a Pinecone, Every nation has their Legends. This is Our’s

In the beginning, lunch was long and boring. The spirit of competition lay dormant in the hearts of those who ached for sport. Neither soccer balls, nor idle conversation would sate them. Then the spark. Swinging a fallen branch as a bat. Someone pitched a pinecone. A hit, a hastily designed field, and the game was born. It was an age of discovery. Crush the pinecone to curb excessive pineyness, and find a place to hide the bat. An age of invention. The Grand Salami, the split ball double, and the testicle amendment. Discovery and invention created sport and fanned the flames of friendship.
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7 for 7: A League NOT Their Own

A League NOT Their Own, The Buckettes and the Greatest Game Never Played

The great game of Tapey Beercone has a rich history. It began with school boys who, after completing their studies only just this side of honestly, needed a way to fill their day. As no sporting equipment was available to them, their ingenuity led them to a stick in place of a bat and a pinecone serving as a ball. Thus Piney Pinecone was born. Just as everything else, what is born must also grow. As the young men grew so did the game.
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7 for 7: Rocket Surgery

Rocket Surgery, How a Veteran Completely Rebuilt His Game.

Every rocket launch begins with a moment of tension. Having counted down the seconds until launch the rocket motors are ignited creating a flurry of flame, steam, and percussive sound. Then the moment of liftoff, when the thrust of the rocket motors are just enough to overcome the oppressive force of gravity, allowing the rocket to seemingly hover as it slowly builds momentum taking it up and away from the launch pad. This is a precarious moment. One that often ends in a triumphant column of spaceward bound rocket exhaust, but at times ends tragically in an explosive ball of flames with a spacecraft that fails to clear the launch tower. The same principles apply in Tapey Beercone with Boyd “The Rocket”, and when Season 3 began he failed to launch.
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Stat Chug: The Five Runs Plus Outs Limit and Its Effect on the Game

Stat Chug: A specially brewed stats based draft.

The Five Runs Plus Outs Limit and Its Effect on the Game: How the Rule Limits Run Scoring and More

Of the many rules Tapey Beercone adopts by way of Piney Pinecone a very prominent statute is the Five Runs Plus Outs Limit Rule. The rule is stated thusly:

Article III: Gameplay Section A: Inning
… A half inning ends when any of the following occur:
-When the third out of any inning is recorded.
-When a sum total of 5 runs and outs are reached and it is not the last inning and a Grand Salami has not been recorded in the half inning.
-When a sum total of 8 runs and out is reached and it is not the last inning.

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MLB Announces “Swigging for the Fences” in partnership with Tapey Beercone

This morning, during an April Fools Day New Conference, Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Rob Manfred, announced major additions to the MLB Network programming schedule. Chief among these was the new travel/reality show “Swigging for the Fences” which would be produced in partnership with Tapey Beercone.

Per the MLB Commissioner this move represented part of “a concrete strategy to appeal to a younger audience by leveraging the growing popularity of the burgeoning sport of Tapey Beercone to attracted a more youthful viewership.” The show will be hosted by the Co-Commissioners of Tapey Beercone, Kelly “The Coach” and Eric “The Hammer”, with each episode featuring prominent stars and personalities from MLB. As to how Manfred come up with the idea, according to him while listening to one of his favorite Podcasts, the Tipping Pitches Baseball Podcast, he heard the hosts describing the idea and, he “immediately knew this was exactly the kind of show we needed to fix baseball’s image problem with the younger generation”. According to sources within MLB Network, within weeks of the podcast’s airing, a deal had already been reached between MLB and Tapey Beercone and episodes of the show were filming.
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Stat Chug: Searching for a Drinking to Batting Ability Link

Stat Chug: A specially brewed stats based draft.

Searching for a Drinking to Batting Performance Link: The quest to find the link between inebriation and batting performance.

In a Sport such as Tapey Beercone, where drinking is prevalent (in fact encouraged by the rules), it seems obvious that all of this drinking would have some effect on a player’s performance and the outcomes that player produces. A good part of what makes Chugging Percentage (CHG) such a prestigious statistic is that the components of the stat ( Batting production measured by Slugging Percentage (SLG) and Drinking Frequency measured by Beers per Inning (BPI)) are presumably not independent. The idea being that for one to remain a productive batter whilst also quaffing beer at an exceptional rate takes unique ability. Plainly put, one would expect that the relationship between batting outcomes and drinking frequency would be inversely correlated, that to drink more would on average mean to give something away as a batter. With these assumptions in mind, this author aimed to seek out this relationship with the goal being to measure it, and then with these measurements in hand create a new metric to judging the exceptional batters/drinkers who standout from the pack. What follows is a walk-through of this quest.
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Stat Chug: The Five-Run Inning

Stat Chug: A specially brewed stats based draft.

The Five-Run Innings: Do the Stats reveal the secret to reaching every offense’s goal?

In the details, Tapey Beercone is a very unique sport. In what other sport do players prepare for the game by drinking a few beers so they have the materials needed to make the ball? But if you take a few steps back, and view the game from a distance, it will look much like the other base and ball sports, such as baseball or softball. A pitcher, a batter, some fielders, and runners on the bases. It’s all pretty much what you would expect. Still, set aside the obvious equipment differences, and there and many characteristics of Tapey Beercone which are distinct from the other similar sports. One of these major differences between how Tapey Beercone is played, is the innings limit on runs and outs.
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7 for 7: #Beerpope

#Beerpope, a moment that made a Beerpope.

Tradition. Tapey Beercone is steeped in it. Since the first aluminum cans were wrapped in duct tape, the sport has held to a vast array of traditions. One needs only peruse the Official Rules finding there is literally a section titled “Traditions”, as evidence of how deeply traditions are held in the sport. More broadly, the entirely of Articles IV and V on Ground Rules and Sportsmanship codify many of the sport’s most deeply held rituals and conventions. However, the vast majority of these traditions are not founded in Tapey Beercone alone, but stretch out universally into the customs of the Buckos Nation at large. Some, such as naming each new field, or the Testicle Bill of Rights, owe their creation to Piney Pinecone. Still others, such as the playing of the Buckos National anthem or resolving disputes by Rock-Paper-Scissors are carryovers from Buckos culture in general. Not simply a part of the sport, they are traditions held across all aspects of life in the Buckos Nation. Rare is the tradition rooted in the game’s founding itself.
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