7 for 7: It Started With a Pinecone

Series One of 7 for 7 comes to its conclusion with the Nation’s Origin Story

It Started with a Pinecone, Every nation has their Legends. This is Our’s

In the beginning, lunch was long and boring. The spirit of competition lay dormant in the hearts of those who ached for sport. Neither soccer balls, nor idle conversation would sate them. Then the spark. Swinging a fallen branch as a bat. Someone pitched a pinecone. A hit, a hastily designed field, and the game was born. It was an age of discovery. Crush the pinecone to curb excessive pineyness, and find a place to hide the bat. An age of invention. The Grand Salami, the split ball double, and the testicle amendment. Discovery and invention created sport and fanned the flames of friendship.
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Season 5 Award Nomination: “Artillery” Arthur

Season 5Jim Siemens Award of ExcellenceNomination Letter“Artillery” Arthur “10 Mile”

To The Board of Regents and the Player’s Association at Large,

Allow this letter to serve as my formal nomination of “Artillery” Arthur “10 mile” for the Season 5 Jim Siemens Award of Excellence. Arthur was the Season 4 Rookie of the Season, and continued his masterful play of our great game during Season 5. While he certainly lacks the compilation of play time during the season compared to other players, he offsets this with outstanding proficiency during the games in which he did participate.
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7 for 7: A League NOT Their Own

A League NOT Their Own, The Buckettes and the Greatest Game Never Played

The great game of Tapey Beercone has a rich history. It began with school boys who, after completing their studies only just this side of honestly, needed a way to fill their day. As no sporting equipment was available to them, their ingenuity led them to a stick in place of a bat and a pinecone serving as a ball. Thus Piney Pinecone was born. Just as everything else, what is born must also grow. As the young men grew so did the game.
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From the Annals: Musing on Award Recipients from the Early Seasons

Recently, the Commissioner’s Office of Tapey Beercone has Announced New Procedures for conferring Awards for the soon to be concluded Season 5. This continues a tradition begun in Season 3 to end the season by highlighting some of the Sport’s most outstanding players and performances. No such tradition existed prior to that point in the Sport’s history. In fact, the concept of seasons within the Sport of Tapey Beercone was not fully formulated until Season 3, leading Season 1 and 2 to be lumped together as the “Early Seasons” Still, this begs the question: Had awards been handed out in those earliest of seasons, who would they have been given to and why?
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Commissioner Memo: Memo Updating Awards Procedures for Season 5

To: Co- Commissioner Eric “The Hammer”
From: Co-Commissioner Kelly “The Coach”
CC: Field Marshall of the Buckos Expeditionary Forces Chris “The Dragon”
CC: Public Commissioner Memos Blug
Memo Updating Awards Procedures for Season 5
Re: Consolidation of Awards and New Nomination/Voting Procedure

As the current season draws to a close we again begin to contemplate our season ending traditions. One such tradition, held since Season 3, has seen the conferring of seasonal Awards. In past seasons a multitude of awards have been bestow, yet as we have heretofore reviewed our intent is to simplify and consolidate the awards for Season 5. Here is a summary of the awards we will confer, and the process by which the recipients will be determined, for Season 5:
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Photos from Oregon Tapey Beercone Invitational 5

The 5th Annual Oregon Tapey Beercone Invitational provided the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, twice, to a total of 17 players and 2 full time spectators. 2 full cases of Bacchus D were consumed, a large jar of Zesty Pickles was drained of all juices, and the host facility was left with 118 remaining Coor’s light cans.

The Game of Kings also acquired its first actual factual corporate sponsor, Benny’s Donuts. This is a huge victory, as it lends legitimacy to the Sport of Kings while simultaneously promoting donuts, which are good.

Below you can view photos from the album or head directly to the album.

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7 for 7: Rocket Surgery

Rocket Surgery, How a Veteran Completely Rebuilt His Game.

Every rocket launch begins with a moment of tension. Having counted down the seconds until launch the rocket motors are ignited creating a flurry of flame, steam, and percussive sound. Then the moment of liftoff, when the thrust of the rocket motors are just enough to overcome the oppressive force of gravity, allowing the rocket to seemingly hover as it slowly builds momentum taking it up and away from the launch pad. This is a precarious moment. One that often ends in a triumphant column of spaceward bound rocket exhaust, but at times ends tragically in an explosive ball of flames with a spacecraft that fails to clear the launch tower. The same principles apply in Tapey Beercone with Boyd “The Rocket”, and when Season 3 began he failed to launch.
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Commissioner Memo: Memo Summarizing Agenda for Upcoming Rules Review

To: Co- Commissioner Eric “The Hammer”
From: Co-Commissioner Kelly “The Coach”
CC: Public Commissioner Memos Blug
Memo Summarizing Agenda for Upcoming Rules Review
Re: Consolidated List of Rule Change Proposals

As a follow up to previous memos as well as in-person discussions, and consistent with recently proposed rules review procedures, I have consolidated our rules review proposals into a list which can serve as our Agenda for the upcoming rules review. In addition to this list, also attached is a conformed draft version of the 6th edition rules which incorporates your comments into this Commissioner’s original proposals.
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Gaveltime: Parliamentary Procedure of the Buckos Nation

There is a long and mighty legal tradition in the Buckos Nation. Tapey Beercone, famously created on that frigid January day, wasn’t “born with teeth.” From “Brown v. Education” to “Curtis v. Pile of Rocks” the laws of the Buckos Nation, and the game itself, were sculpted in media res. Any play, action, or stupid thing someone says can potentially trigger the meandering process by which a ground rule becomes codified in the “Official and Governing Rules” of the Sport.

Today, in preparation for the coming Rules Review, we discuss parliamentary procedure and the Buckos Rules of Order. Hang on tight, its gonna be a wild ride.
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Stat Chug: The Statistical Anatomy of the Rooster-Dragon

Stat Chug: A specially brewed stats based draft.

The Statistical Anatomy of the Rooster-Dragon: Dissecting the Dichotomous Nature of One of Tapey Beercone’s Most Intriguing Players

When last we left off here at Stat Chug, this author presented a graph depicting the batting characteristics of the Regular Players of Tapey Beercone as they compared to average. This showed that no player compared close to average, with the possibility of one exception. Here’s what that graph looked like:

Recurring Players Compared to Average on Four Metrics

The one player close to average was Chris “The Rooster”/”The Dragon”. But as we will find, on closer inspection Chris is anything but average.
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